Dissonance

My mind, heart and spirit are not in concert. My head says you’re better than this…move on. You only get to spend the night with him and even that time is limited. And how are you in love and you can count on one hand how many times you have spoken to him on the phone. But my heart and spirit speak a different language. And the more we sleep together, the more the three parts of me fight. I mean I melt at the site of him and when we make love it’s like magic. I’m feeling nervous at this very moment. But there is so much more…..He is a great father….actively engaged in his children’s lives. He is a hard worker. The type you know will make sure everything is ok, even when it’s not. The one that will make sure his family is ok. The one that makes a woman feel secure, really secure. He also has that thing that words can’t describe. The shit you can’t teach. And our connection is like WiFi. Whenever we are around one another, it just connects…..automatically.

I tell him almost daily how much I love him, and from time to time, he tells me the same. We fight just like any other couple, but via text. And we make up the same way. I smile at the site of a picture message of him…my heart and spirit are instantly happy. I think of him constantly…wondering what he is doing and how he is feeling. And then I wonder at the same moment if this is the day…..would this be the day he decided to put his best foot forward and make it work with her? I also wonder whether or not she would realize her man’s mind was elsewhere, and for at least one night per week, he was handing over his body and soul to another. I wonder if she’d decided to try one more time….decided to fight for him? I wonder if one day I’d get a call from him saying we would finally be together….

I wonder when my mind, body and spirit will come together in agreement……..

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